The Chap Olympiad

The Beijing Olympics won't have to compete with this. The Chaps very gentlemanly and sportingly chose to hold their Games earlier, so as to not hog any official air time. The chaps of course are fellow esteemed members of the cultural counter-revolution, whose lack of athletic abilities is amply made up by their sartorial prowness.

The annual event is hosted by Chaps Magazine - the bible for traditional gentlemen who are against the vulgarity of modern culture. The opening ceremony includes the lighting of the Olympic pipe.

Teams compete to mix a dry martini, with the handicap of having no butler to do it for them. Such is the athleticism of the Chap Olympics.

The Chap movement was created in 1999 by Hampstead-born Gustav Temple in an attempt to "stand against the horrible culture at the time" including lad's magazines and wearing too much sportswear.

Let the Contest Begin
The Pipe Smoking Relay
In the Pipe Relay a lit pipe is passed between teams of three along a gruelling 100-yard course. Wearing any kind of sportswear at the games results in instant disqualification.

Any chap - or lady - of worth smokes a pipe.
This lad demonstrates his skills in the Cucumber Sandwich Discus Toss
Michael "Atters" Attree is grooming editor for Chaps. For him being a "chap" is a way of life, not a hobby. He dresses like a gentleman everyday. His event was the three-trousered limbo, where participants share enormous trousers and must wriggle under a pole. Another event, 'Bounders', involve six cads who approach six ladies and behave atrociously, with the winner being the recipient of the loudest slap.

A quill is thrown at a target as poetry is read out. Extra points are awarded for epic, metaphysical or absurdist verse.

Ladies astride their equine-attired mounts race each other, with some surprise hurdles along the way.

Judge my Shrub
The prize? Gold, silver and bronze cravats of course, among other things.

Hat tip: The Classic Canadian