The Monarchist 2.0

The Warner has the latest revelation on our Grand Old Duke: "Apparently some Downing Street pondlife were attempting to hijack the funeral of Diana, Princess of Wales and, in particular, to dictate the roles of Princes William and Harry, in their customary exploitative way. Down the speakerphone from Balmoral thundered a classic Philippic: "**** off."" There is a time and place to convey our more rudimentary instincts, even for a prince, a duke and a royal consort. This was one of them.

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I must say the Duke of Edinburgh is looking rather dapper here in his morning suit and beaver hat. Is that a d'Orsay or Regent, I think it's a d'Orsay, which fell from fashion eons ago when beaver felt made way for silk. Whatever the style, the choice of pearl gray is perfect for afternoon garden parties like this one at Holyroodhouse, though strictly forboden as evening wear.

Prince Albert singlehandedly saved the Canadian beaver from extinction, when he donned the silk top hat as a statement of royal pleasure in 1850. For the three hundred years prior (1550-1850), virtually all hats were produced from beaver pelt, from the bicorn/tricorn cocked hats of the navy and army, to the mass of gentlemen toppers across civilised Europe, and the Hudson Bay Company flourished as a result. The beaver was trapped out of existence in mainland Europe and then Scandanavia before operations really took off in British North America. Thanks to Prince Albert, the great and glorious beaver never met the same fate in the New World. Isn't that right, dear Beaverbrook!

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The King's Troop, Royal Horse Artillery perform a 41 gun salute in Hyde Park, London, to mark the 87th birthday of The Duke of Edinburgh, 10 June 2008. 21 rounds were fired to mark His Royal Highness's birthday and a further 20 shots as the salute took place in a Royal Park.

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By Karan Thapar, The Hindustan Times (h/t: Theodore Harvey)

Do you know what ‘dontopedology’ means? According to Prince Philip, the Duke of Edinburgh, it's “the science of opening your mouth and putting your foot in it.” He should know because he’s acquired quite a skill at it. But, to tell you the truth, I admire him because he’s often right. It’s just that his audience — or his critics — are paralyzed by political correctness, lack of wit or both.

To begin with, the dear Duke can be very wise. Consider this selection: “The art of being a good guest is to know when to leave”; “I don't think a prostitute is more moral than a wife, but they are doing the same thing”; and “When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.” He’s even said things that should please Sunita Narain and RK Pachauri: “The biggest waste of water in the country is when you spend half a pint and flush two gallons".

The D of E can also be delightfully witty. Immediately after his wife’s coronation he’s supposed to have said: “Where did you get that hat?” Asked how he handles so many public appearances, he shot back: “I never pass up a chance to go to the loo or take a poo”. And on hearing Tom Jones sing, he asked: “What do you gargle with, pebbles?”

What gets the Prince into trouble is his candour. Quite frankly I find it disarming and refreshing, but I can see how it could rile others. When questioned if he wanted to visit the Soviet Union, he responded: “The bastards murdered half my family.” He was dead right. The Tsarevitch was his mother’s first cousin. Commenting on the necessity of a university degree, he said: “I’m one of those stupid bums who never went to university and a fat lot of harm it’s done me.” Except, he was Chancellor of Cambridge University at the time.

And faced with the rising tide of sentiment against the British monarchy in the 70s, this is how he tackled the problem: “If people feel it has no further part to play, then, for goodness sake, let’s end the thing on amicable terms without having a row about it.”

Of course, there are several occasions when PP ends up making you squirm, blush or fume. But might you not have been tempted to say the same, assuming you had the gall or gumption? Judge for yourself:

When he met the President of Nigeria, dressed in his traditional flowing agbada, the old boy remarked: “You look like your ready for bed!” After a lavish French dinner — possibly at the Elyseé — he commented: “French cooking’s all very well, but they can’t do a decent English breakfast.” Asked about a carpark attendant who failed to recognize him, he muttered: “Bloody silly fool.” In Australia, on meeting an aborigine, he asked: “Do you still throw spears at each other?” In the Cayman Islands, he said to an original resident: “Aren’t most of you descended from pirates?” And, finally, on Canada, a country his wife happens to be Queen of: “We don’t come here for our health. We can think of other ways of enjoying ourselves.”

The best part is that the Queen’s husband isn’t intimidated by celebrities. In fact, he seems to delight in putting them in their place. For instance, when he discovered Elton John owned a gold Aston Martin, he said: ‘Oh, it’s you that owns that ghastly car — we often see it when driving to Windsor Castle.” At the premiere of the James Bond film Die Another Day, where Madonna sings the theme song, he pointedly asked: “Do we need ear plugs?”

Quite honestly, I applaud the man. It’s not that he isn’t aware of how his comments are used to send him up. He knows they can — and do — boomerang. But I suspect he couldn’t care less. Now, how many of us have that sort of confidence? And it isn’t easier if you’re the Queen’s consort. Arguably, it’s more difficult.

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Her Majesty the Queen is the first Anglo monarch in history to reach the milestone of a diamond wedding anniversary. The royal marriage began sixty years ago, on the 20 November 1947.

In that time, it has defied the statistics, the one in three marriages that end in divorce; it has weathered the annus horribilis, the death of Diana and the snubs of Cherie Blair. It has also, in its dignified and unassuming way, become a source of national reassurance and Commonwealth prestige, a steadying influence, a humbling example of how it is done. When all is said, they have been a very good double act.

Princess Elizabeth with Prince Philip leaving Westminster Abbey after their wedding.

Princess Elizabeth and Prince Philip with Prince Charles and Princess Anne in 1951.

Queen Elizabeth II wears the Imperial State Crown as she and her husband, the Duke of Edinburgh - dressed in the uniform of Admiral of the Fleet - wave from the balcony of Buckingham Palace to the crowds after her Coronation in 1953.

From his mother's arms Prince Andrew looks up at the jet fighters which flew over Buckingham Palace after the Trooping of the Colour ceremony in June 1961.

The Queen and Prince Philip arriving back at Buckingham Palace after the State Opening of Parliament in 1962.

The Queen with her family (from left) Prince Andrew, Princess Anne, Prince Edward, Prince Charles and the Duke of Edinburgh on the Queen's 39th birthday, in 1965.

Queen and Prince Philip reading congratulatory messages on their silver wedding anniversary in 1972.

The Queen in 1976 on her 50th birthday, with Prince Philip and their youngest son Prince Edward.

The Queen and Prince Philip set off from Heathrow for a two week tour of Canada in 1984.

The Queen and Prince Philip on a visit to Malta in 1992.

The Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh pose for an official portrait in 1995.

The Queen and Prince Philip on the balcony of Buckingham Palace at the end of the Golden Jubilee parade in 2002.

The Queen and Prince Philip wave from the balcony of Buckingham Palace following the Trooping of The Colour, marking the Queen's official birthday on June 17, 2006.

Queen Elizabeth II with the Duke of Edinburgh at the State Opening of Parliament in November 2007.

A series of stamps featuring images of Queen Elizabeth II with the Duke of Edinburgh to celebrate the royal couple's 60th wedding anniversary.

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Prince Philip: "What does your party stand for nowadays then?"
Gerald Howarth, Tory MP: "For the defence of the Kingdom, sir".
Prince Philip: "Bollocks".

Hat tip: Ian Dale

Update: The Grand Old Duke in not so fine a form according to this report.

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Yes, your Royal Highness, but nobody does it with quite the touch of elegance and gentlemanly demeanor as you have consistently done for the past 60 years.

Having long enjoyed a high profile and immensely successful role on the world stage since your marriage to Princess Elizabeth in 1947, we nonetheless understand why you are now taking a conscious decision to step back from public life so as to save yourself from media exposure. We know that the media criticisms (of which there are all too many) cut deep enough personally that you are purposely retreating from the spotlight: "I reckon I have done something right if I don't appear in the media. So I've retreated — quite consciously — so as not to be an embarrassment."

But you are no embarrassment, Prince Philip. Someone who approaches his public duties with such outward grace and dignity all these years, someone who epitomizes the twin virtues of what it means to be a perfect gentleman - gentleness and manliness - cannot possibly contain an ounce of shame. Your blunt sense of humour may have occasionally erred on the manly side, and not the gentle or sensitive side, but let us never forget that it is the modern media and their conduct that is the monumental embarrassment here. As you yourself have pointed out, they have deliberately promoted an anti-establishment attitude. You are certainly correct to blame television and the tabloids for eroding relations between royalty and the media, and for dispensing with basic standards of decency, respect and truth in reporting. They simply have no honour.

We also share your animosity towards Rupert Murdoch. The king of sleazy publishing whose hired tabloid instincts for low level popular culture, for pushing the envelope and pushing it downward, is an exemplar of much that we detest in this modern world. You are right to single this truly loathsome republican degenerate out for particular condemnation. Much of the decline in royal reporting and the way the Royal family are portrayed can be attributed to his business newspaper empire and him personally. As you say, the man's anti-establishment views have "really pulled the plug on an awful lot of things that we hold to be quite reasonable and sensible institutions". As a symbol of the all-powerful media, he is perfectly representative of everything that has gone wrong in society since the 1960s.

It goes without saying that compared with this man and his tabloidish ilk, you are a genuine contemporary hero. Your lifetime record of service and achievement stands up well against their record of disgrace. Any bloody fool can write a foul thingamy, but only a gentleman can lay a wreath.

Highly worthwhile further reading: Happy 85th birthday to our Victor Meldrew in gold braid, by Gerald Warner.

UPDATE: Bollocks! The Duke of Edinburgh in Fine Form via Ian Dale